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Act 3, Scene 6 — A room of state in Timon’s house
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Original
Faithful Conversational Text-message
Music. Enter divers Friends at several doors.
FIRST FRIEND [friendly greeting]

The good time of day to you, sir.

Good day to you.

Hello.

good day

SECOND FRIEND [reassuring]

I also wish it to you. I think this honourable lord did but try us this

other day.

And to you. I think this noble lord was just testing us the other day.

Back at you. I think he was just testing our loyalty.

testing us the other day

FIRST FRIEND [hopeful]

Upon that were my thoughts tiring when we encountered. I hope it is not

so low with him as he made it seem in the trial of his several friends.

That is what I have been thinking since we met. I hope he is not really in the trouble he showed us when testing friends.

Yeah, that's what I've been thinking. I hope he's not really in the bad shape he showed us.

hope it's not as bad as shown

SECOND FRIEND [agreeing]

It should not be, by the persuasion of his new feasting.

It should not be, judging by this new feast he is throwing.

It can't be that bad if he's throwing a feast.

new feast persua

FIRST FRIEND [explaining]

I should think so. He hath sent me an earnest inviting, which many my

near occasions did urge me to put off; but he hath conjured me beyond

them, and I must needs appear.

I agree. He sent an earnest invitation that many obligations made me want to refuse, but he pushed me beyond that, and I had to come.

Yeah. He sent a real insistent invite. I had other things to do, but he basically demanded I come.

earnest invite had to appear

SECOND FRIEND [regretful excuse]

In like manner was I in debt to my importunate business, but he would

not hear my excuse. I am sorry, when he sent to borrow of me, that my

provision was out.

Similarly, I was busy with business, but he would not hear my excuse. I am sorry that when he asked to borrow, I had nothing left to give.

Same here — I was tied up, but he wouldn't accept my excuse. I feel bad that when he asked to borrow, I was tapped out.

in debt to business could not lend

FIRST FRIEND [sympathetic]

I am sick of that grief too, as I understand how all things go.

I understand that grief too — things are not going well for him.

I get it. He's in trouble.

understand all things go

SECOND FRIEND [confirming]

Every man here’s so. What would he have borrowed you?

Everyone here feels it. How much did he want to borrow from you?

Yeah, we all know. How much was he asking you for?

how much

FIRST FRIEND [amount]

A thousand pieces.

A thousand pieces.

A thousand coins.

thousand pieces

SECOND FRIEND [shocked]

A thousand pieces!

A thousand pieces!

That much?

thousand!

FIRST FRIEND [returning question]

What of you?

What of you?

How much from you?

what of you?

SECOND FRIEND [interrupted]

He sent to me, sir—here he comes.

He asked me too—look, here he comes.

Same here—wait, he's coming.

here he comes

Enter Timon and Attendants.
TIMON [warmly gracious — performing]

With all my heart, gentlemen both! And how fare you?

With all my heart, my friends! How are you both?

Welcome, friends! How are you doing?

all my heart farewell

FIRST FRIEND [flattering response]

Ever at the best, hearing well of your lordship.

Always well, having heard good things of you.

Doing great, thanks to your good reputation.

always well

SECOND FRIEND [flowery comparison]

The swallow follows not summer more willing than we your lordship.

The swallow follows summer no more eagerly than we follow you.

We follow you as eagerly as birds follow summer.

swallow follows summer we follow you

[_Aside_.] Nor more willingly leaves winter, such summer birds are men.
TIMON [courteous host]

Gentlemen, our dinner will not recompense this long stay. Feast your

ears with the music awhile, if they will fare so harshly o’ th’

trumpet’s sound; we shall to’t presently.

Gentlemen, dinner will not repay such a long wait. Let your ears feast on music awhile if it harsh on them from the trumpets. We shall begin soon.

Guys, the food won't be worth this wait. Enjoy the music while we finish the preparations.

dinner won't recompense feast ears on music shall to't

FIRST FRIEND [apologetic]

I hope it remains not unkindly with your lordship that I returned you

an empty messenger.

I hope you do not hold it against me that I sent back an empty message when you asked to borrow.

I hope you're not upset that I couldn't help when you asked to borrow.

empty messenger

TIMON [dismissing]

O, sir, let it not trouble you.

Do not let it trouble you.

Forget about it.

not trouble you

SECOND FRIEND [attempting]

My noble lord—

My noble lord—

My lord—

my lord

TIMON [warmly]

Ah, my good friend, what cheer?

How are you, my friend? What is your news?

Friend! How are you?

what cheer

SECOND FRIEND [ashamed]

My most honourable lord, I am e’en sick of shame that when your

lordship this other day sent to me I was so unfortunate a beggar.

My most honored lord, I am ashamed that when you asked to borrow, I was so poor I could give nothing.

My lord, I'm embarrassed that when you came asking, I had nothing.

sick of shame beggar

TIMON [reassuring]

Think not on’t, sir.

Do not think of it.

Don't worry.

think not

SECOND FRIEND [continuing excuse]

If you had sent but two hours before—

If you had come just two hours earlier—

If only you'd asked two hours sooner—

two hours before

TIMON [cutting off]

Let it not cumber your better remembrance.

Let that not weigh on your better memory.

Let's not dwell on that.

let it not cumber

[_The banquet brought in._]
Come, bring in all together.
SECOND FRIEND [impressed]

All covered dishes!

All covered dishes!

Everything's covered up!

covered dishes

FIRST FRIEND [assured]

Royal cheer, I warrant you.

A royal feast, I promise you.

It'll be fit for a king.

royal cheer

THIRD FRIEND [skeptical comment]

Doubt not that, if money and the season can yield it.

Provided money and the season allow it.

If there's enough money and supplies.

money and season

FIRST FRIEND [making conversation]

How do you? What’s the news?

How are you? What is the news?

How's everything? Any news?

what's news

THIRD FRIEND [gossiping]

Alcibiades is banished. Hear you of it?

Alcibiades has been banished. Have you heard?

Alcibiades got banished. You heard?

alcibiades banished

FIRST AND SECOND FRIENDS [shocked response]

Alcibiades banished?

Alcibiades banished?

Banished?

banished?

THIRD FRIEND [confirming]

’Tis so, be sure of it.

It is so, be certain.

Yeah, for sure.

'tis so

FIRST FRIEND [asking]

How, how?

How? Why?

Why?

how how

SECOND FRIEND [curious]

I pray you, upon what?

For what reason?

What did he do?

upon what

TIMON [inviting — cutting off the gossip]

My worthy friends, will you draw near?

My worthy friends, will you come closer?

Friends, come here.

draw near

THIRD FRIEND [distracted]

I’ll tell you more anon. Here’s a noble feast toward.

I will tell you more later. Here is a fine feast coming.

I'll tell you later. Feast time!

tell you anon noble feast

SECOND FRIEND [noting his sameness]

This is the old man still.

He is still his old generous self.

Still the same old lord.

old man still

THIRD FRIEND [wondering]

Will’t hold, will’t hold?

Will it last?

Will it hold up?

hold hold

SECOND FRIEND [uncertain]

It does, but time will—and so—

It seems so, but time will tell...

Seems like it for now.

time will

THIRD FRIEND [understanding]

I do conceive.

I understand.

I get it.

conceive

TIMON [bitter invocation — Timon's fake blessing before the revelation]

Each man to his stool with that spur as he would to the lip of his

mistress. Your diet shall be in all places alike. Make not a city feast

of it, to let the meat cool ere we can agree upon the first place. Sit,

sit. The gods require our thanks:

You great benefactors, sprinkle our society with thankfulness. For your

own gifts make yourselves praised, but reserve still to give, lest your

deities be despised. Lend to each man enough, that one need not lend to

another; for, were your godheads to borrow of men, men would forsake

the gods. Make the meat be beloved more than the man that gives it. Let

no assembly of twenty be without a score of villains. If there sit

twelve women at the table, let a dozen of them be as they are. The rest

of your foes, O gods, the senators of Athens, together with the common

lag of people, what is amiss in them, you gods, make suitable for

destruction. For these my present friends, as they are to me nothing,

so in nothing bless them, and to nothing are they welcome.

Uncover, dogs, and lap.

Sit eagerly as if approaching your lover. All shall eat the same. Do not let formal dining cool the food before we agree who sits first. Sit! The gods require our thanks. You great givers, make our society grateful. For your gifts, praise yourselves, but always keep giving or you will be forgotten. Give each man enough so none must beg. If the gods had to borrow from men, men would abandon them. Let the giver be loved more than the gift. In any gathering of twenty, let there be twenty villains. May the senators of Athens and common people face destruction for their faults. For my friends here, as they are nothing to me, so may they receive nothing, and they are not welcome.

Sit down like you're eager to embrace your lovers. Everyone eats the same. Don't worry about fancy seating — just sit. Let's thank the gods. You generous givers, make us grateful. Praise yourself for your gifts, but keep giving or you'll be hated. Give enough so nobody has to beg. If gods had to borrow from men, men would ignore them. The giver should be loved more than the gift. Every group has villains. May Athens and its people be destroyed for their crimes. As for my friends — you mean nothing to me, so nothing for you.

gods require thanks givers make grateful if gods borrowed men would forsake them for these friends nothing bless them nothing welcome

[_The dishes are uncovered and prove to be full of lukewarm water._]
SOME SPEAK [confused response]

What does his lordship mean?

What does he mean by this?

What is he doing?

what does this mean

SOME OTHER [confused]

I know not.

I do not know.

No idea.

know not

TIMON ≋ verse [explosive revelation — Timon abandoning all pretense]

May you a better feast never behold,

You knot of mouth-friends! Smoke and lukewarm water

Is your perfection. This is Timon’s last,

Who, stuck and spangled with your flatteries,

Washes it off and sprinkles in your faces

Your reeking villainy.

May you never see a better feast, you band of mouth-friends! Smoke and lukewarm water is your perfection. This is Timon's last meal. I have been decorated with your flattery and now I wash it off and throw your stinking falseness in your faces!

I hope this is the worst meal you ever have, you fake friends! Smoke and warm water — that's what you deserve. This is my last dinner. I've been covered with your lies and now I'm throwing the truth at you!

mouth-friends smoke and lukewarm water timon's last washes off flatteries sprinkles villainy

[_Throws water in their faces._]
Live loathed, and long,
Most smiling, smooth, detested parasites,
Courteous destroyers, affable wolves, meek bears,
You fools of fortune, trencher-friends, time’s flies,
Cap-and-knee slaves, vapours, and minute-jacks!
Of man and beast the infinite malady
Crust you quite o’er! [_They stand_.] What, dost thou go?
Soft! Take thy physic first; thou too, and thou!
Stay, I will lend thee money, borrow none.
[_He attacks them and forces them out._]
What, all in motion? Henceforth be no feast
Whereat a villain’s not a welcome guest.
Burn, house! Sink Athens! Henceforth hated be
Of Timon man and all humanity!
[_Exit._]
Enter Timon’s Friends, the Senators with other Lords.
FIRST FRIEND [confused]

How now, my lords?

What happened, gentlemen?

What just happened?

how now

SECOND FRIEND [explaining]

Know you the quality of Lord Timon’s fury?

Do you understand the nature of Lord Timon's anger?

Do you get what he's doing?

quality of fury

THIRD FRIEND [distracted]

Push! Did you see my cap?

Did you see my cap?

Where's my cap?

cap

FOURTH FRIEND [lamenting]

I have lost my gown.

I have lost my gown.

I lost my robe.

lost gown

FIRST FRIEND [explaining away]

He’s but a mad lord, and nought but humours sways him. He gave me a

jewel th’ other day, and now he has beat it out of my hat. Did you see

my jewel?

He is just a mad lord, driven by whims. He gave me a jewel once and just beat it from my hat. Have you seen my jewel?

He's just crazy, that's all. He gave me a jewel before and just knocked it out. Did you see it?

mad lord humors sway him did you see

THIRD FRIEND [repeated]

Did you see my cap?

Did you see my cap?

My cap — have you seen it?

cap

SECOND FRIEND [helpful]

Here ’tis.

Here it is.

Here.

here it is

FOURTH FRIEND [finding]

Here lies my gown.

Here lies my gown.

There's my gown.

gown

FIRST FRIEND [hurrying off]

Let’s make no stay.

Let us not linger.

Let's go.

no stay

SECOND FRIEND [conclusion]

Lord Timon’s mad.

Lord Timon has lost his mind.

Timon's insane.

mad

THIRD FRIEND [confirming from experience]

I feel’t upon my bones.

I felt it in my bones.

I felt it.

feel upon bones

FOURTH FRIEND [summing up]

One day he gives us diamonds, next day stones.

One day he gives us diamonds, the next day stones.

One day gifts, the next day rocks.

diamonds next day stones

[_Exeunt._]

The Reckoning

If this happened today…

Continue to 4.1 →