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Epilogue — Epilogue
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The argument Rosalind steps outside the play entirely and asks the audience to like it — not as a character, but as a performer, a boy, a woman, and an idea, all at once.
ROSALIND [charming, direct address, self-aware seduction]

It is not the fashion to see the lady the epilogue, but it is no more

unhandsome than to see the lord the prologue. If it be true that good

wine needs no bush, ’tis true that a good play needs no epilogue. Yet

to good wine they do use good bushes, and good plays prove the better

by the help of good epilogues. What a case am I in then, that am

neither a good epilogue nor cannot insinuate with you in the behalf of

a good play! I am not furnished like a beggar; therefore to beg will

not become me. My way is to conjure you, and I’ll begin with the women.

I charge you, O women, for the love you bear to men, to like as much of

this play as please you. And I charge you, O men, for the love you bear

to women—as I perceive by your simpering, none of you hates them—that

between you and the women the play may please. If I were a woman, I

would kiss as many of you as had beards that pleased me, complexions

that liked me, and breaths that I defied not. And I am sure as many as

have good beards, or good faces, or sweet breaths will for my kind

offer, when I make curtsy, bid me farewell.

It is not customary for a lady to speak the epilogue, but it is no less unseemly than for a lord to speak the prologue. If it be true that good wine requires no advertisement, then it is also true that a good play requires no epilogue. Yet even good wines benefit from good advertising, and good plays prove better with the help of skillful epilogues. What a difficult position I am in then—neither am I a skilled epilogue, nor can I persuade you on behalf of a good play! I am not dressed as a beggar, so I will not beg you. My method is to appeal to you directly, and I will begin with the women. I charge you, women, for the love you bear to men, to enjoy as much of this play as pleases you. And I charge you, men, for the love you bear to women—as I can see from your smiling that none of you dislikes them—that together with the women, the play may please you. If I were a woman, I would kiss as many of you as had beards that pleased me, faces that I liked, and breaths that I found acceptable. And I am certain that as many as have good beards, or good faces, or sweet breaths will, in return for my kind offer, bid me farewell when I curtsy.

It's weird for a woman to do the epilogue, but it's no weirder than a man doing the prologue. If good wine doesn't need marketing, then good plays don't need epilogues either. But honestly? Good wine gets better with good marketing, and good plays get better with good epilogues. So here I am, not a good epilogue-giver, not selling you on this being a good play. I'm not dressed like someone begging for applause, so I won't. Instead I'm going to charm you. First to the women: if you loved any part of this, please say so. And to the men: I can see you like women fine—none of you look like you hate us. So help us women out and like the play too. If I were a woman, I'd kiss everyone whose beard looked good, whose face I liked, whose breath didn't kill me. And everyone with a good beard, good face, or sweet breath—I promise you that much—so when I bow, you'll clap.

weird for me to do this but good wine needs good labels and good plays need good epilogues women: did you like it? men: you like women right? so like the play if i were a woman i'd kiss all of you with good beards and good faces so clap for me

"It is not the fashion to see the lady the epilogue" Rosalind is correct: epilogues in this period were usually spoken by a senior male actor or the company's leading man. A female character speaking one was unusual — and Shakespeare uses that unusualness as the epilogue's opening joke.
"good wine needs no bush" The proverb acknowledged by Shakespeare himself in the epilogue's title: 'As You Like It' is thought to be a direct address to the audience — take it or leave it, judge for yourselves. The wine-bush proverb is the spoken version of the same shrug.
"My way is to conjure you" A deliberate echo of Rosalind's behavior throughout the play — she has been 'conjuring' people throughout: constructing fictions, managing emotions, manufacturing outcomes through charm and intelligence rather than authority. She's doing it again, and naming it this time.
"If I were a woman" The line that makes the epilogue immortal. In Shakespeare's theater all female roles were played by boy actors. Rosalind has been a female character played by a boy, disguised as a boy named Ganymede, who then played 'Rosalind' in a mock courtship. Now, still in costume, that same boy actor says 'if I were a woman' — and the entire architecture of the play's gender games surfaces at once.
"for my kind offer, when I make curtsy, bid me farewell" The theatrical contract made explicit: I have offered to kiss you (hypothetically, charmingly); you in return owe me a favorable farewell (applause). The epilogue is structured as a mutual obligation — Rosalind gives; the audience gives back. The whole thing is a seduction, and it says so.
Why it matters The epilogue is the most self-aware moment in the play — a character who has spent five acts controlling other people's perceptions stepping outside the story entirely to manage the audience's. It's Rosalind's final and most complete performance.
[_Exit._]

The Reckoning

The epilogue is a formal theatrical courtesy that Shakespeare turns into something philosophically mischievous. Rosalind steps forward as herself — or as the boy playing herself — and begins dismantling the fourth wall with the same precision she used to dismantle Orlando's courtly posturing. She acknowledges the audience as a fact, acknowledges her own theatrical status as a fact, and then uses both to extract applause. The speech is charming and it knows it's charming, which is part of the charm. What makes it linger is the moment when she says 'if I were a woman' — the female character played by a male actor standing before an audience and pulling the mask up just slightly to show the other mask underneath.

If this happened today…

Imagine the lead in a sold-out production of a gender-bending play stepping out of character to address the audience directly at curtain call — before the clapping starts. They say: 'I know the custom is for the director to say something, but I thought I'd do it instead. If it's okay with you. The play wasn't perfect, but neither is wine without a label on the bottle — and you still drink it. I'm asking the women first: if any of it pleased you, say so. And gentlemen: I know none of you hate women — I can see it from here — so help the ladies out. And if I were a woman' — they pause, look down at themselves, look back up — 'I'd kiss the ones who were kind to me tonight.' Then they bow, and wait.