I'm asking you, Rosalind, my dear cousin, please be cheerful.

Come on, Rosalind, lighten up a little.

please be happy.

Dear Celia, I'm showing more cheerfulness than I actually feel, and would you rather I felt even more joyful? Unless you can teach me how to forget that my father has been banished, you shouldn't try to teach me how to feel any extraordinary happiness.

Celia, I'm already faking being happier than I am. You want me to be even more cheerful? Look, unless you can make me forget my father's been exiled, you can't teach me to be happy about anything.

i'm already pretending.

unless you can make me forget dad,

i can't be happy.

I see from this that you don't love me with the full strength that I love you. If my uncle, your banished father, had banished my uncle—your father, my father—so that you could stay with me, I would have learned to accept your father as my own. You would do the same if your love for me were as pure and balanced as mine is for you.

You're telling me something I already know—you don't love me as much as I love you. Look, if the positions were reversed, if my uncle had exiled my father instead, I would have adopted your dad as mine just to keep you with me. You'd do the same if you loved me as much as I love you.

you don't love me as much as i love you.

if the situation were reversed,

i'd give anything to keep you.

All right, I will stop grieving over my own situation and be happy about how well things are going for you.

Okay, okay. I'll put aside my own problems and just be glad that you're doing well.

fine.

i'll be happy for you.

You know my father has no other child besides me, and it's unlikely he ever will. And truly, when he dies, you will inherit from him—what he took away from your father through force, I will give back to you again through love. By my honor I will! And when I break that oath, let me turn into a monster. So, my sweet Rose, my dear Rose, please be happy.

Look, my father doesn't have anyone else but me, and he's not going to. So when he dies, you're going to inherit everything. I'm going to give you back everything he took from your father—I swear by my honor. And if I break that promise, I'll turn into something monstrous. So please, Rose, be happy for me.

when dad dies, you inherit.

i'll give you back everything.

i swear it.

please be happy.

From now on, cousin, I will—and let's create some entertainments for ourselves. So, what do you think about falling in love?

All right, from now on I'm going to be happy. Let's find some fun things to do. What about falling in love—does that sound like a game we could play?

okay.

let's have some fun.

what about love?

Yes, please do, to amuse yourself with—but don't actually love any man seriously, and don't flirt any further than you could still blush modestly and come away with your honor intact.

Sure, play around with love for fun—but don't actually fall in love with anybody, and don't flirt so much that you can't still come away innocent.

play with it, sure.

but not seriously.

stay safe.

So what will our entertainment be, then?

Okay, what game should we actually play?

what game then.

Let's sit down and mock Fortune as if she were a good housewife, criticizing her from her wheel so that her gifts might finally be distributed fairly from now on.

Let's just sit here and make fun of Fortune—you know, the woman with the spinning wheel—and point out how badly she's doing her job. Maybe if we criticize her enough, she'll start distributing her gifts more fairly.

let's mock fortune.

criticize her.

make her distribute gifts fairly.

I wish we could do that. But her benefits are seriously misplaced, and the generous blind woman makes a terrible mistake specifically in the gifts she gives to women.

I wish we could. But look at how badly she messes up—especially when it comes to what she gives women. She's all confused about it.

i wish we could.

her gifts to women are all wrong.

That's true. She makes women fair but rarely makes them honest, and the women she makes honest, she makes very ugly.

Exactly. She makes women beautiful but not virtuous, and when she makes a woman virtuous, she makes her hideous.

fair but not honest.

honest but not beautiful.

fortune fails at both.

No, wait—you're crossing over from Fortune's responsibility into Nature's. Fortune rules over the gifts of the world, not over the features Nature gives us.

Hold on, you're mixing things up. Fortune gives out money and stuff, but Nature gives out faces and bodies. They're different things.

fortune gives wealth.

nature gives beauty.

they're different.

Really? When Nature has made someone beautiful, can't Fortune throw them into a fire anyway? And though Nature gave us wit to laugh at Fortune, hasn't Fortune sent this fool here to stop our argument?

Really? So when Nature makes someone beautiful, Fortune can't destroy them? And even though we have the brains to make fun of Fortune, Fortune sent this jester to interrupt us before we get to the good part.

fortune can still destroy beauty.

and fortune sent touchstone.

to silence us.

You're right—Fortune is too powerful for Nature when Fortune makes the naturally foolish person the one who stops our natural wit.

True. Fortune wins because she's managed to make a natural fool the one who stops people with brains from talking.

fortune always wins.

she uses fools against wit.

Maybe this isn't Fortune's work at all, but Nature's doing—she knows our natural wits are too dull to understand goddesses, so she's sent us this natural fool as a sharpening stone. Because the fool's stupidity always sharpens a wise person's wit. So tell me, wit, where are you wandering?

Wait—maybe this isn't Fortune at all. Maybe it's Nature saying: your brains are too dumb to figure out what goddesses are about, so here's a natural fool to use as a whetstone. Because fools are basically there to make smart people sharper. So wit, what are you doing now?

nature sends fools.

to sharpen wit.

wit, where are you going.

Madam, you have to come away to your father.

Ladies, you need to go to your father.

your father wants you.

Did he ask you to come for us specifically?

Did he tell you to fetch us?

did he send you.

No, by my honor, but I was told to come and fetch you.

No, but I was told to come get you.

i was told to get you.

Where did you learn to swear like that, fool?

Where'd you pick up that oath, fool?

where'd you learn that.

From a certain knight who swore on his honor that some pancakes were excellent, and also swore on his honor that the mustard was terrible. Now, I will argue this: the pancakes were actually terrible and the mustard was actually good—and yet the knight never broke his oath.

From this knight I knew. He swore up and down that the pancakes were great, and he also swore up and down that the mustard was awful. But here's the thing: the pancakes were actually terrible and the mustard was actually good. So how did the knight not perjure himself?

a knight swore the pancakes were good.

he swore the mustard was bad.

but the pancakes were bad.

and the mustard was good.

yet he didn't lie.

How do you prove that from your vast collection of knowledge?

Go ahead. Show me how you prove that from your big pile of wisdom.

prove it then.

Yes, come on now—unleash your wisdom.

Yeah, let it out. Show us what you've got.

come on, show us.

Now stand forward, both of you. Touch your chins and swear on your beards that I am a dishonest man.

Okay, stand up here. Stroke your chins and swear on your beards that I'm a knave.

swear on your beards.

that i'm a knave.

By our beards, if we had them, you certainly are.

By our beards, which we don't have, you are one.

by our beards, if we had them, you are.

By my dishonesty, if I had it, then I would be. But if you swear by something that you don't possess, you haven't broken an oath. The same goes for the knight and his honor—he never had any to begin with. Or if he did once have honor, he'd already thrown it away long before he ever saw those pancakes or that mustard.

By my knavery, if I had it, then sure. But here's the thing: if you swear by something you don't have, you can't perjure yourself. Same with the knight and his honor. He never had any. Or if he did, he'd already wasted it before he ever ran into those pancakes or that mustard.

if i swear by knavery i don't have, i'm not breaking an oath.

neither was the knight.

he had no honour to swear by.

Please, who is this person you mean?

Who are you talking about?

who.

Someone your father, the old Duke, is very fond of.

Someone your father is very fond of.

someone your father loves.

My father's approval is enough to honor anyone. Enough of that topic. Don't say anything more about him. You'll get whipped one of these days for being a satirist.

My father's love is honor enough for anybody. That's enough. Don't talk about him anymore. You'll get beaten one of these days for your smart remarks.

that's enough.

don't say his name again.

you'll be whipped for this.

It's sad, really—fools are not allowed to speak wise things while wise men are busy doing foolish things.

It's a shame that fools aren't allowed to say sensible things while wise men are out there doing stupid things.

fools can't speak wisdom.

while wise men act like fools.

By my word, you're right. Ever since the small amount of wit that fools have is no longer permitted, the little foolishness that wise men have makes a huge display. Ah, here comes Monsieur Le Beau.

You're right. Since fools aren't allowed to be clever, all the stupid things that wise people do stand out so much more. Oh, here comes Le Beau.

you're right.

when fools can't be wise, wise men's foolishness shows.

here comes le beau.

His mouth is stuffed with news.

He's bursting with information.

all gossip.

Which he'll feed to us the way pigeons feed their chicks.

He'll dump it all on us like pigeons feeding babies.

regurgitated onto us.

Then we'll be stuffed with news.

Then we'll be crammed with it.

news-crammed.

All the better—then we'll be more attractive on the marriage market. Bonjour, Monsieur Le Beau. What's the news?

Even better—we'll be more desirable that way. Hello, Le Beau. What's happening?

we'll be more marketable.

hello, le beau.

what's the news.

My beautiful princess, you've missed some excellent entertainment.

Princesses, you missed something really good.

you missed good sport.

Sport? What kind of sport?

Entertainment? What kind?

what sport.

What kind, madam? How should I answer that question?

What kind? How do I answer that?

how do i answer.

As wit and luck dictate.

However your wit and fortune guide you.

as you see fit.

Or as the fates decree.

Or however destiny decides.

or as destiny wills.

Well said. That was laid on with a mason's trowel.

Nice. That's nice and thick.

well said.

applied with a trowel.

Well, if I don't keep my place—

But if I step out of line—

if i lose my place—

You'll lose your reputation.

You'll lose your standing.

you'll lose it.

You amaze me, ladies. I was about to tell you about excellent wrestling, which you've missed seeing.

I'm surprised at you, ladies. I was going to tell you about a really good wrestling match you just missed.

you missed something great.

Still, tell us what the wrestling was like.

So tell us what happened anyway.

describe it.

I will tell you the beginning, and if it pleases you, ladies, you can watch the end. The best is yet to come, and here is where it will be performed.

I can tell you what happened, but if you want, you can stay and see the rest. The best part is coming up, and it's happening right here.

i'll tell you the start.

but the best is still to come.

it's happening here.

Well, the beginning is dead and buried.

The past is done and gone.

the past is history.

There arrives an old man and his three sons—

So there's this old man and his three sons—

once upon a time.

I could match this opening with an old fairy tale.

I could pair that story with an old tale myself.

i know that story.

Three handsome young men of impressive size and appearance.

Three good-looking young guys, tall and strong-looking.

three big handsome men.

With public notices on their necks: 'Let it be known to all men by these documents.'

With legal documents on them: 'Be it known to all people by these presents.'

with official notices on them.

The eldest of the three fought Charles, the Duke's wrestler. In a single moment, Charles threw him and broke three of his ribs—so badly there's almost no hope he'll survive. Then he did the same to the second, and then to the third. There they lie now, and their poor father is weeping over them so pitifully that everyone watching takes his side and weeps with him.

The oldest one wrestled Charles, and Charles threw him so hard he broke three ribs. The guy's almost certainly dying. Then Charles did the same to the second one, and the third. They're lying over there now, and their father is sobbing so hard that everyone who's watching is crying too.

charles broke all three of them.

three ribs each.

they're dying.

their father is weeping.

Oh, what a tragedy!

Oh no.

alas.

But what is the sport, sir, that the ladies have missed?

But what's the entertainment you're talking about?

what sport.

Why, that which I've just been describing.

What I just told you about.

what i said.

Men grow wiser every day, apparently. It's the first time in my life I've ever heard three men having their ribs broken called sport for ladies.

So people learn something new every day. I've never heard anyone call young guys getting their bones broken 'entertainment for women' before.

breaking ribs is sport now.

for ladies.

Neither have I, I promise you.

Me neither.

me neither.

But is there anyone else who longs to watch this broken symphony in his sides? Is there another person who loves the sound of breaking ribs? Cousin, should we actually stay and see this wrestling?

Is there anyone else who wants to hear broken ribs? Who else gets excited about rib-breaking? Should we actually stay and watch this, cousin?

is anyone else eager.

to see broken music.

should we stay.

You must, if you stay here. This is the place where the wrestling is scheduled to happen, and they're ready to perform it now.

If you stay, you'll see it. This is where it's going to happen, and they're ready to go.

it's happening here.

now.

I'm sure they're coming now. Let's stay and see it.

They're coming. Let's watch.

let's stay.

Come on. Since the young man will not be persuaded, the consequences are his own responsibility.

Fine. The kid won't listen, so whatever happens is on him.

his choice.

his risk.

Is that him over there?

Is that the one?

that's him.

Yes, that's the one, my lady.

That's him, ma'am.

yes.

Oh, he's too young. But he does look capable.

He's so young. But he looks like he could actually do this.

too young.

but he looks strong.

Well, well. Daughter and cousin, have you snuck in here to watch the wrestling?

So you two snuck in to watch?

you're here.

Yes, my lord, if you please and give us leave.

Yes, Father, if you allow it.

with your permission.

You will find little to enjoy in this, I can assure you. The match is so one-sided. Out of sympathy for the young man's youth, I would gladly talk him out of it, but he won't listen. Please, speak to him if you can—try to persuade him.

You won't enjoy this—the odds are completely against him. I'd talk him out of it myself, but he won't listen. Can you try to convince him?

you won't enjoy it.

just talk to him please.

Please call him here, Monsieur Le Beau.

Get him, Le Beau.

call him.

Do so. I will not stay to watch.

Do it. I won't be here.

i'm leaving.

Monsieur the challenger, the Princess is calling for you.

The Princess wants to see you.

the princess calls you.

I am here to serve them with all respect and duty.

I serve them with complete respect.

i'm here to serve.

Young man, did you issue a challenge to Charles the wrestler?

Did you challenge Charles?

you challenged him.

No, fair princess. He is the professional challenger—anyone can try him. I come as others do, simply to test myself.

No, he's the wrestler everyone fights. I'm just here to try like the others do.

he challenges everyone.

i just came to try.

Young gentleman, you are too bold for your years. You have seen how viciously Charles fights those before you.

You're too brave for your age. You've seen how hard Charles hits.

you're too young.

you've seen how brutal he is.

Do it, young sir. Your reputation will not suffer. We will make it a point of honor to speak well of you afterward.

Go ahead. Your honor will be safe with us. We'll speak well of you either way.

your honor is safe.

we'll defend you.

I beg you, do not judge me harshly in your thoughts. I confess I am greatly afraid, but I cannot turn back now.

Please don't think badly of me. I'm terrified, honestly, but I have to do this.

i'm afraid.

but i can't back out now.

I would I had the strength to give to you.

I wish I could give you my strength.

i wish i could help.

And I will add to hers.

Me too.

and mine.

Goodbye. I pray I am wrong about you.

Good luck. I hope I'm wrong about what happens.

goodbye.

i hope i'm wrong.

May your heart's desires come true.

I hope you get what you want.

good luck.

Come on, where is this young gallant who wants to wrestle with his mother earth? I'm going to throw you so hard you'll think you're tumbling back to the womb.

Where's this kid? I'm going to slam you into the ground so hard you'll think you're going back to your mother.

here comes the pain.

you're going down.

I'm ready, sir. But my will is steadier than you might expect.

I'm ready. And I'm more ready than I look.

i'm ready.

You will have only one fall.

One fall only.

one fall.

No, I guarantee you, your grace, he won't want a second. After what I'm about to do to him, he won't be able to stand.

He won't want a second. I'm going to break him so bad he can't get up.

he won't want another round.

You mean to laugh at me after this. You should not have mocked me before. But come—let's begin.

You're going to make fun of me when this is over. You shouldn't have started. Let's do this.

mock me after, not before.

let's go.

May Hercules himself give you speed and strength, young man!

God, give him strength!

hercules be with you.

I wish I were invisible so I could trip Charles up.

I wish I could trip him up.

if i could trip him.

Oh, what an excellent young man!

He's amazing!

he's incredible.

If I had lightning in my eyes, I would know exactly who should go down.

If I had lightning in my eyes, Charles would be on the ground.

if i had lightning.

he'd be done.

No more. Stop.

Stop. That's enough.

stop.

Yes, I beg your grace. I am not even warmed up yet.

Yes, please. I'm just getting started.

i'm not even warmed up.

Charles, how are you?

Charles, are you all right?

charles.

He cannot speak, my lord.

He can't talk, sir.

he can't speak.

Carry him out.

Get him out of here.

take him away.

I am Orlando, my lord, the youngest son of Sir Rowland de Boys.

Orlando, sir. I'm Sir Rowland de Boys's youngest son.

orlando.

sir rowland's son.

I wish you had been born to a different father. The world respected your father as honorable—but he was my enemy. You would have pleased me much more if you came from a different family. Still, you are a gallant young man. I wish your father had been someone else.

I wish you were someone else's son. Everyone loved your father—but he was my enemy. You'd be great if you weren't Rowland's kid. Look, you're excellent—I just wish you had a different father.

i wish you were someone else.

your father was my enemy.

good luck anyway.

If I were my father, cousin, would I act this way?

Do you think I'd do that if I were my father?

would i do that.

I am prouder to be Sir Rowland's son—his youngest son—than I would be to be Frederick's adopted heir. I would not trade that calling for anything.

I'm proud to be Rowland's son. His youngest son. I wouldn't trade that for being Frederick's heir.

i'm proud of my father.

i wouldn't trade it.

My father loved Sir Rowland as his own soul. Everyone in the world agreed with my father. Had I known before that this young man was Sir Rowland's son, I would have begged him not to risk himself this way.

My father loved Rowland like a brother. Everyone respected him. If I'd known this was Rowland's son, I would have asked him not to fight.

if i'd known.

i would have stopped you.

Dear cousin, let's go thank him and give him courage. My father's cruel and jealous nature breaks my heart. Sir, you have earned great honor. If you prove as true to love as you were today in combat, your lady will be blessed.

Come on, let's thank him. My father's meanness is breaking me. You were amazing today. If you're as loyal in love as you were in that ring, your lady's lucky.

let's thank him.

my father shames me.

you deserve happiness.

Sir,

Sir,

sir,

Yes. Goodbye, fair gentleman.

Yeah. Take care.

goodbye.

Can't I at least say thank you? My better qualities have all been knocked flat, and what stands up here now is just a wooden target—a lifeless block.

Can't I even say thank you? Everything good about me just got destroyed, and what's left standing here is like a wooden puppet—completely lifeless.

i can't even thank you.

everything good in me just got knocked down.

i'm just wood now.

He's calling us back. My pride fell along with my fortune. I'll ask him what he needs. Did you call, sir? Sir, you've wrestled magnificently and defeated more than just your opponents.

He's calling us back. I lost my pride along with everything else. Let me see what he wants. Did you say something, sir? You wrestled well—you defeated more than just Charles today.

he called us back.

my pride fell with my fortune.

you defeated more than charles.

Are we going, cousin?

Come on, let's go.

let's go.

I'm coming with you. Goodbye.

Coming. Bye.

bye.

What heaviness is pressing down my tongue? I cannot speak to her, and yet she encouraged me to talk. Poor Orlando, you're defeated. Either Charles or something weaker has defeated you.

What's keeping me from speaking? She's the one who said we should talk, and I can't say a word. I'm done for. Something worse than Charles just took me down.

i can't speak.

she encouraged me to talk.

but i can't.

i'm destroyed.

Sir, I give you this friendly advice: leave this place. Even though you've earned high praise, genuine applause, and affection, the Duke is now in a condition where he misinterprets everything you've done. He's temperamental. What he's truly like would be better for you to figure out than for me to describe.

Sir, I'm telling you as a friend: get out of here. You've done great—everyone's applauding you, you've earned real respect—but the Duke is in a mood now where he's seeing everything you did as wrong. He's unpredictable. You'd be better off figuring out what he's actually like than hearing me try to explain it.

leave this place.

the duke's in a mood.

he's misinterpreting everything.

go.

I thank you, sir. And please, tell me this: which of those two women was the Duke's daughter—the one who was here watching the wrestling?

Thank you. Hey, quick question: which one of those two women was the Duke's actual daughter—the one watching the match?

which one was the duke's daughter.

Neither of them appears to be his daughter if we judge by how they act, but the smaller one is indeed his daughter. The other is the daughter of the banished Duke and is being kept here by her uncle to keep his daughter company. Their love for each other is deeper than the natural bond between sisters. But I should tell you: the Duke has recently developed a hatred toward his gentle niece—for no reason except that the people praise her for her goodness and pity her because of her good father. And I assure you, his cruelty toward her will suddenly break out in the open. Sir, goodbye. In a better world than this, I'd like to know you better and have more friendship with you.

Honestly, neither one acts like his daughter, but the shorter one actually is. The other girl is the exiled Duke's daughter—he's keeping her here with his own daughter. Those two love each other more than most sisters do. But the thing is, he's started to hate his niece—for no good reason except that everyone loves her and feels bad for her about her father. And trust me, that anger is going to blow up soon. Get out of here while you can. If things were different, I'd want to be your friend, but right now you need to go.

the smaller one is his daughter.

the other is the exiled duke's daughter.

he hates her now.

he's about to hurt her.

you need to leave.

I'm very grateful to you. Goodbye.

I owe you one. Take care.

thank you.